Amid Her Waves

Unknown photographer
Unknown photographer

The length of her back
a wild symphony of waves
into one another clashing,
frothing white and lashing
salt in endless sprays,
weaving the air into poems fraught
with soft melting hymns,
each in midair curving
into a soft burning flame
then weeping, in my palms,
on my aching fingertips
the unbearable desire
to course through her waves,
become the sailor whose ship
plunges ever deeper into her mist,
become the red sun whose lips
shiver with a boundless thirst
to imbibe her frothing wine
and be drunk, drunk, drunk
on this softest of all cruelties.

I could do nothing

“Pierre, I don’t want to die,” she looked at me and said, an unspeakable look in her eyes, and I sat there, helpless, unable to do anything, unable to save the life of the one person I love most. I couldn’t save her, I couldn’t, and now she is forever gone, now I will never again see her or hear her voice, feel her next to me. “No one other than you will ever know who I really am,” I told her, true she said, no one will. No one will ever care for me as much as she did, read me like an open book. “Will you name your daughter after me?” she asked, “no, because you’re not goanna die, you’re not going anywhere; together forever as we always said,” I replied to her.

A week later she passed. And as she laid there suffocating I had to sit right next to her, accompany her as she died, hold the hand I’ll never feel again, contemplate the eyes I’ll never again see open, the mouth that will never speak, trying to memorize as much of her I could. She laid there suffocating, and I could do nothing. At night when I sleep her suffocating breath is all I can hear. The person I love more than life died in front of me and I could do nothing, nothing…

Then I had to kiss her cold forehead, feel her cold face and hands. Eyes closed, I talked to her and she didn’t speak. The body and person I so intimately and deeply know now cold, lifeless. That was the last time I saw her. Now the rest of my life I’ll spend missing her, as though my own heart is torn away from me. I cannot even begin to tell you about the immensity of this pain.