Last night I woke again suffocating,
again I was with you in that awful room as you passed away,
the cold whiteness of the walls, your clothes, and your face
burning me with an insatiable pain.
Again I woke last night
and the darkness was a vast sea
crushing my chest, deafening my ears
with the lugubrious roar of your dwindling breath,
your suffocating pleas as you faded and sank into the nether,
into that dark place where I cannot follow without killing myself.
Again I woke feeling my throat burn
as though a river of fire were gushing through,
fiery spikes peeling at the flesh
as my tears fell to water the image of your face,
your warm and happy presence which I’ll never feel again,
your love which cradled me flesh to bone, heart and soul.
Again I woke and I tried to call you
but my voice faded like a sun that will not give light,
the fresh and tremendous pain of our parting
again heaving inside of me
even deeper than that first moment when you died,
tumultuous waves crashing against the walls of my skin on the inside
and ebbing back into my core as they failed to break out.
My skin grew transparent swallowing the whole blackness of the night
as again I sank into my pillow
like a stone falling through dark waters and calling, calling,
bubbles finding no surface on which to burst,
a mute voice echoing inside no ears but my own,
a black earth failing to burn even with the smallest firefly.