February 2015, my sister, at 27, passed away from cancer. December 2019 my mother was diagnosed with cancer. The haiku below is a memory of mine from my first day of school. I remember crying as my mother left me to the care of the teacher, and I remember looking at her through the window while she left me there and wondering why she left me, and where she is going without me. Fitting for this situation. Only now I’m much lonelier than before. Only now it’s darker and colder around me. The warmth and care of the people I loved most is gone. And so I’m left with…
First day of school… through the window glass my mother looking at me
In his eyes you can see it, a wound reaching deep down into an abysmal place that opens to an infinite sky.
I was invisible until she saw me, the woman I erected with words and shadows, the woman whose eyes are a luminescent ink, woman, my double, with a sly smile caressing my ache only to ignite my longing for her – her – an imaginary being blessed by a suffering she sweetly calls – poetry.